So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
