True but thats because hes a fetus.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize