It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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