Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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