Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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