I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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