weddingsv make me drug and hornr
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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