Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
