Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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