Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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