like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
