I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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