I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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