I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
