She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
