We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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