I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
