After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
