She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You ruined the universe
Randomize
