you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
