Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
