Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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