Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
