Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
