Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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