I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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