i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
