new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You pole danced in your parka.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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