You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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