Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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