I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i love accidental penises.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
