How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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