is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
