Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
