Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
