I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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