boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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