you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
