Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
