Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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