If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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