how can u be prego again
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.