don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.