I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"