I just made out with a guy for $7.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You ate ashes out of my bong