Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.