Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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