My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
