i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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