is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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