true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
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I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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