the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
