Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
