Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I want to have your abortion
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
