I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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