paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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