dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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