he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
