i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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