Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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