Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
