That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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