I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
