I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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