So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
