Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
