oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
