Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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