ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
