Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
