:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
