Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
