is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
is wine microwaveable?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
