I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
