How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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