There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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