Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just found puke in my bra..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
