They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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