I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
