just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
