i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize