Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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