All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
