Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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