I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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