so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
