I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
