So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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