the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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