Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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