i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
