3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
