we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's blow job season.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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